Sitting here thinking about my life the past 5 years. I’ve met so many people, seen so many places and changed in so many ways.
My heart hurts saying goodbye to it all. I know it’s a “see you later” for friends who have become family, but I’ve never been good with change or goodbyes. I’ve never been easy to deal with or to love. I’m so thankful for the tribe I’ve made throughout the states we’ve moved to the past few years. Even though I’ve never thought I belonged, you made me feel like I did.
I wanted to go to my home. Some made up place or state in my head that was apparently somewhere I was happier or would be happy “finally”. I now know it will never be four walls. It’ll be four people or six people or eight people building me up and teaching me to love every piece of life and my body and everything the world has to offer.
I never loved Maine or New England but I love every single member of my tribe who kept me afloat when I was busy fighting myself.
Last but not least, thank you to my amazing husband who wings never falter, not even once. You keep and have kept me up when I didn’t know how to pick myself up time and time again even when sometimes I didn’t deserve it. Thanks for teaching me every inch of my body is perfect in its own way and that sometimes its okay to not be okay.
I’ve been trying for weeks to come up with something better than the last and better than what’s flying around in my mind. I have had so much go on here lately. I drove to Charleston SC and found a home to buy with such a amazing realtor who happens to be one of my best friends. She has a Facebook page where she live videos and chats about her life and opening up about mental illness and how you can live your best life with it! Go check her out at her Facebook Holly_tastic page. I’ve loved seeing her actually open up! It’s a great watch! Love her to pieces! I can’t imagine this next chapter that is opening in my life going any other way with my little family as well!
Also I want to start doing a few more things with A Hint of Koko! Thinking of Vlogging once a month with you guys on my YouTube channel and also integrating my new olive oil vegan based soap line!
So many exciting things happening around here. Please let us know if you’re interested and also maybe throw some comments of scents you want me to incorporate into my new soap line! Much love guys!
Decided to write a post about rough bumps in the road today.
After all, I do live in New England currently. (insert pothole here)
I’ve been trying to get better at processing my bad days and my good days. Lately its been a little difficult to do even that. Nobody genuinely talks about the shitty parts of depression and anxiety. Two huge things that have continued to ransack my days here lately. One positive thing is I am now able to realize which is which between just a bad day and me relapsing.
Seasonal depression has been a factor of my life for quite a while. I know once I post this, I will have the comments of, “Well you don’t look sad.”
Things like this do not help, nor are they anywhere near helpful. It only makes me more upset and anxious about explaining how I feel.
With all of that said, I have had very good times as well lately. Ollie is finally healing, he had a surgery done and wasn’t healing properly and had to have a second surgery. Which means my house has been super chaotic. This all leading to rough bumps in the road. I have my days as anybody with anxiety will know happens and I can’t begin to explain how difficult it is to deal with somebody like me. Marlon has been making this look like a cake walk. I only wish to have half the perseverance he has. Anybody with a spouse who has a mental disorder will understand this post. This past weekend we did a lot to help our move in 5 months be a little easier and it stirred up a lot of anxiety. I couldn’t sleep last night and instead of laying in bed he stayed up with me just knowing the fact that I just wasn’t feeling that great. For all these bumps in the road you sometimes forget the good things, or even the great things that are to come. I decided to write this post to show maybe somebody else that everybody has bumps in the road. Its up to you to decide whether they’re just bumps. I hope this reaches the people it was meant to, and as always.
I have been at a halt lately, trying to figure out somehow to writesomething worth reading. I keep having multiple things happen one after another. Wondering if that ever stops or if its just the story of life maybe? Emotions have ran rampage lately here in my mind. This halt has sucked truly, I absolutely love blogging and giving back as much as possible. I have been scared of the future while missing out on what’s happening around me. I have some scars and I’ve seen some things but I’m here now. Organizing your thoughts while moving constantly and trying to readjust into your own form of a comfort zone is more difficult than I ever imagined. This chapter is closing and will be wrote about at a much later date, maybe?
This basically is how scattered my mind is, separating real and impossible things in my head at the moment. Slowly but surely a work in progress. What’s amazing is so much progress has been made. I haven’t felt as good as I’ve been feeling right now in a long time. Many things are going on for sure but on top of that is always a silver lining. Enjoying these little moments and calming the waves down and learning to swim with the waves life has to offer.
So August is a huge and busy month for us. We move to Maine! I absolutely love my new house waiting for me there! It's right next to Portsmouth New Hampshire, I can walk! We all know how much moving costs and stresses. It has driven me up a wall. I also start a new job tomorrow.. Working from home nonetheless which is scary for me. It's something new that I've never done.
Closing a chapter of my life here in Connecticut and moving is such a big deal for me as my anxiety kicks in full force. I've been lagging on blog posts but have had so much to say to you guys! I'll be blogging more very soon. Trying to adjust and move at the end of this month. I'm ready for September!
On that note, I've been ready to scream from all the stress. I am so proud though, I've kept going and I've kept my head up through all the rough rides life has to offer to get me to where I am now.
This month is almost to a end, things change and people change. It’s incredible to see what every new month brings my family and friends. This next month will bring a big move to a new state all over again. I am excited and also nervous to start a new job before going. If you’re like me you feel bad and get super sad over losing friends and even worse family members. Time seems to go on no matter what current of life you are taking. I am excited to start a new current, which I think is my most favorite one of all. Not constantly doing for everybody else and doing for myself. The next few months look challenging but I’ve done worse and I know I’ll do great. Everything takes time. Today is a new day.
So everybody has seen the new trend of the new technology we have here on this lovely little earth. I am starting a job that is strictly from home for a Insurance Company. I am so excited to start this new adventure. I think of all the things now possible today and it makes me happy. Earth is advancing in amazing ways. Of course with all the negativity in todays society due to elections and bad people and just all in all world problems. I am pretty happy to say I am trying to find the greatness in every day to day thing. I will be posting a few posts about working from home for this experience so that maybe my journey will help you. This is a hourly job Monday through Friday, but you are commuting to work by computer! I am genuinely so excited. Any comments, and wanna see anything reviewed? Let me know!